What To Make of Winter Woes — Mud and Miracles

You know how you know you’re really pregnant? You can’t wash the dishes without getting your shirt soaked. I have a number of pregnancy related pet peeves, but doing the dishes is at the top of my list. Not because I mind doing dishes. I don’t. I just hate the feeling of my soggy, soapy midriff brushing against the wet counter, as I hunch over trying to reach (what used to be the very reachable) bottom of the sink.

Winter is a nice time for moodiness and the blues.

I have a regular practice of taking deep breaths, looking within and around me, and making note of all that I am abundantly grateful for. . .

But, sometimes, it just feels really good to tell someone about the crap.

My belly is huge and it’s hard to sleep and it’s hard to put on my shoes and it’s hard to have patience with my toddler who wants to go up the stairs when we just got down, and then down the stairs immediately after we’ve gone up. Dressing her often involves a wrestling match and some spur-of-the-moment story I’ve concocted with lots of eyebrow raises and gasps and “uh-ohs!” in order to keep her attention and keep her from desperately trying to wriggle off the changing table and/or pummel me in the belly with her feet. . .

And, mostly, I’m just tired of going to the bathroom 186 times a day #thirdtrimester.

It feels even better to tell someone these things when they can just sit with me and say “uggghhh that’s the worst”.

And, perhaps, eventually find a way to make me laugh about it.

But, alas, it never feels good to stay in the complaining space too long. And winter has a way of willing us to do just that.

So, I started making a list of all the things that will likely trigger my winter blues and a corresponding list to combat them. A list of “mud & miracles” if you wish. (I’m already making a note-to-self not to beat that phrase to death).

I’ve also been making more time for my Self to create freely and it feels SO GOOD. By “freely” I mean that I’m so very loosely attached to what the “final product” looks like it and if you will like it or not. I’m just creating because I feel called to create and it’s experimental and free-ing and so much fun. I’m playing around with pencil and paint pens and doodling and watercolor and movement and spoken word ~ all things I’ve long been curious about but have shied away from because “I’m not good enough” and “don’t know what I’m doing.” Things I might have explored growing up in art classes, but never pursued passionately because I wasn’t perfect at it. . .

Recently, I spent an afternoon with my sister listening to music, chatting & doodling on rocks with acrylic paint pens and it brought me such joy, sense of connection, and relief. I was so excited to give my little creation to my toddler-daughter: a beautiful, colorful owl (her favorite). . . to which she looked at bright-eyed and smiling and immediately proclaimed “want another one!” And frantically began searching my pocket for another and spiraling into despair when she realized

there.

was.

just.

one.…

(see why we practice detachment?)

I love using the new & full moons as a reminder to pause & reflect:…a practice that always has a way of bringing me back to my path.

I’m looking forward to taking these next two months of cold and darkness, before birthing expected baby numero dos end of January, to nestle my seeds (both my growing baby and the personal projects that keep me purpose-full) in warmth and joy and inspiration and intention. I figure the better I nurture them now, the stronger we’ll grow together. Right now, my priorities are connection & creation, so the plan is to snail mail, bundle up and get out into the woods, take more baths and create space for spontaneous joy & play.

What weighs you down in winter? What ways can you create some more space for yourself to breath, and laugh, too?

m.

jaime