Giving 60%
This morning I skipped my regular more rigorous Wednesday morning yoga class at my favorite studio. I paid less attention to the clock getting my girls out the door for school. And I sat longer than usual to sip my tea and stir my oatmeal.
Why does it always feel irresponsible to slow down and take care of myself, even when I’m aching?
In the beginning of the year I took an introductory course to Ayurveda with my longtime yoga teacher from India. She introduced a concept of “giving 60%” in that course and let me tell you, my body pretty much immediately rejected it. I was actually afraid of it. I wrote it down and then quickly turned the page. I listened in one ear, and nodded my head in agreement as she spoke, and then I let that sh*t flow right out my other ear and into the bottom of my trash bin.
I have spent 35 years of my life being the ideal over-achiever. And, it has served me well. Right? Straight A student. Captain of sports teams. Magna cum-laude. Scholarships. . .…
And. . .
anxiety.
I push myself so hard that I usually lose sight of the reason I am doing things in the first place.
And, in the act of over-achieving, I lose sight of how my body and mind feel in the process.
I heard this parenting concept once that totally smacked me in the face. “Be careful what they’re learning while you’re teaching them.” I quickly realized that as I was “teaching them to finish their plates” they were also learning not to listen to their bodies. As I am “teaching them to grab their things and hurry out the door for school” they’re also learning to rush. . .learning anxiety by witnessing me in my own.
Now I’m pausing more to wonder, “What are my body and mind learning as I’m teaching them intense yoga poses when I’m tired and cramping?”
I live in a culture where the hustle is glorified.
The less you sleep the better.
If you’re intermittent fasting more than you’re eating, if you can survive on sunlight and alkalized water alone, if you can sit in a bucket of ice and your eyeballs don’t pop out of your sockets -
you are WINNING.
But really. I even do this with yoga. I will be there in class ujuai breathing my ass off, extending my triangle pose so firmly that I can actually feel the foundations of the building in the footprints of my feet.
And, as goes all lessons we must learn in life in our own time, my over-achieving finally got the best of me.
I injured myself this summer. A tight back, a stiff neck/shoulder and a dislocated jaw.
Once the anger and denial of the injury started to subside, I finally stepped into my sacred space with a bit more openness and sat down. When I finally found quiet and rhythm in my breath, it was my nervous system that spoke to me:
slow down
she whispered.
But, I have been!
I yelled back.
slow down
she just kept whispering,
waiting for me to get there.
There’s a lot going on in the world right now. I imagine many people might be walking around with triggered nervous systems. And the thing is, when our nervous systems are triggered we’re conditioned to react instead of listen and take conscious action.
When our nervous system is triggered, giving 60% can actually be a really wise choice.
(though, that is my opinion. don’t take this as medical advice)
So, I didn’t go to yoga this morning. I woke up and said hello to the colorful expression of my feminine cycle. . . I noted that I felt a bit sad and a bit grumpy. And
I slowed downed everything and I listened.
And the response was “move at home today”.
60% is not 0% - - though modern culture may have you feeling like that.
And you don’t have to give 60% all the time for everything.
But, I’m giving myself permission to try it for a lot of things today. Because I need the other 40% to just wrap around my heart and my soul (and, well, my shedding womb) in a cozy little loving blanket.
So, this morning I moved intuitively. I let my own yoga flow emerge from within me and in my static poses I asked my body, “Where do you want to soften?” and “Where do you want to feel more ease?” I didn’t try to reach all the way to the floor in my forward folds. I didn’t twist until my liver wrapped around my lower back. Not today. I incorporated more free, wild and sensual dancing and shaking.
I just waited until my body said “ah yes, right here, that feels good”.
And that was enough.
And I realized sometimes doing and being “good enough” (not “the best of the best”) is sometimes the best thing for me.
And as I’m learning to feel what that feels like in yoga, I’m learning how I can apply that in other areas of my life.
In a world where perhaps our teachers and our parents and our bosses and our social media are all asking us to give 110% all the time, ask yourself, “What would it feel like if I gave 60% right now?” I realize that may not be possible or good for all things all the time,…but if we start with just getting curious, I think we may find that it’s possible and a good choice in more areas than we realized. And if giving 60% helps you feel better, now you know you have that as a choice. (I actually did not know that was ever an acceptable choice for most of my existence).
And if you try it and it doesn’t feel good, good. I felt that way in January, too. (And I still often find myself giving 110%) (And sometimes that is the right choice).
Once we’re listening within ourselves and not outside ourselves, it’s all good information.
There’s no one-right-way.
Your body will show you yours.
